Let’s schedule a date!
“Allah y kemel belkhair, may God bless your marriage”. Yes, wedding season has arrived and if your guest invitations haven’t come in yet, I’m pretty sure your mom or someone in your family has the pleasure to attend a festivity or two, maybe three, or possibly four. Ah, who’s counting? As a kid my grandmother used to take me as her plus one to the moroccan weddings she’d been invited to. I’d be sleeping over at her place during these weekends, as moroccan weddings culturally last about three days. Some summers my weekends would be fully booked with these events. No room for playdates or watching my younger toddler siblings entertain each other.
I made for the perfect plus one at that time; silent little kid, who behaved excellently in big groups, never left the side of her grandmother unless permission was granted, dressed up nicely in a kaftan, ate her cookies as a grown up and even exchanged in some small Amazigh conversations. Aunties were always happy to see me and wouldn’t hesitate to tell my grandmother how lucky she was to have a sunny and well-behaved quiet grandchild. I think, ‘quiet’ did the trick for them.
The one and only thing I loved about the moroccan weddings was the henna celebrations. Having the aunties come together to sing poems of love with the sound of an adjoun, bendir (North-African drum) on the background made my heart tremble. A small little ball of henna would be placed in my hands and I would close my hands and hold the ball so tight as if my life depended on it. When my hands would start to stiffen and the henna ball had dried, it was time to let go. A deep reddish color was branded on my hands and the scent of henna would easily calm my spirit for the next two to three weeks. But this is not for everyone though, some people simply cannot stand the scent of henna. However, I shouldn’t be bothered by that as I’m not one of those people, so my enjoyment is highly justified.
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquility: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs is this for those who know. Surah Ar-Rum 30:21
WALLFLOWER MODE
Nowadays, I’d prefer people not to ask me as their plus one. In case you’re not a close relative or I don’t have you on speed dial, I’d like to wish you ‘elf mabrouk’ and lots of blessings from afar. Why, you might think? Weddings are days of celebrations, right?! Correct, but if you are the type of person like me, who goes into wallflower mode in large gatherings, dreads smalltalk, and simply has one facial expression, I could easily come of as the mother of ice queens. At least, so I have been told. When in fact, I’m simply reserved and love one-on-one connections and small group gatherings. My bubbly personality, silly laughs and kind-heartedness are fully on display and enjoyable for those smaller connecting groups. At least, so I have been told again.
Needles to say, if I’d ever come up to you and say: I’m getting married and I’m throwing the party of a lifetime, chances are: you and I are not close. For anyone who knows me even the slightest bit, and now you too since you’re reading this blog, would understand that throwing me in front of the lions at big gatherings would make a dreadful experience for me.
… ONE SHARED SOUL, ADAM & EVE
Don’t worry, I’m aware I don’t have a 100% say in the matter as I wouldn’t be marrying myself, but half my soul as Allah swt beautifully mentioned in the Quran (Adam and Eve). Yet, I have enough tawakkul, belief in God’s plan, to rely upon his choice. The most important thing would be completing half of the deen through marriage. For me, the wedding should symbolise what I would hope the marriage to look like as it is the actual start of a lifelong commitment in this dunia (life) and Akhira (afterlife) إِنْ شَاءَ ٱللَّٰهُ, In Sha Allah.
“Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquility: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs is this for those who know. 30:21” Therefor I would opt for the tranquility, the love and the kindness to translate into a serene gathering with close relatives to celebrate the union of a lifetime. Peaceful, full of warmth and intimate.
A peaceful marriage for an eternal lifetime
Then again, this brain is not for everyone. My thoughts are simply that, thoughts. I believe everyone should make the choice both them and their partner feel most comfortable in. Whether it’s throwing a destination wedding, eloping, having a 3 day cultural wedding or simply tying the knot in a matter that floats their boat.
Are you getting hitched this season? Allah Y kemel belkhair. May Allah swt shower you with a blissful and peaceful marriage of an eternal lifetime!